There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
