Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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