Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
