you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
