The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
