Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
