I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I lost the right to judge tonight
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
