Cold hands, warm shart.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
