i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
