I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
