Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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