i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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