Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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