I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
