yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
