Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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