I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
how does that bad decision feel?
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
