Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
