Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
