I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
