he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
