Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
His hands were made for my vagina.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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