I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
she told me i tasted like america
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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