I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
