some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
