His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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