Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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