I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
