Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
