hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Randomize
