Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
