I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
