dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
