I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Can vaginas get frostbite?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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