The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So squirting runs in the family.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
