How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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