i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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