Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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