I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
