Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
