I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
And the cops told us we were all naked.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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