listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
