This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
