My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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