Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
