I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
