i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Mom said you looked used
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
