My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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