youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
