Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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