So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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